


it's half a lifetime later, and

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, background lup/barry bluejeans - Freeform, spoilers lotsa spoilers don't read if you're not caught up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 07:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Merle got himself a temple, not too far away, and it quickly filled up with clerics and visitors — who wouldn’t rush at the chance to meet the hero who saved the world? He goes to Neverwinter and visits Mavis and Mookie on the weekends; every other Sunday, they come to him and Mookie wreaks havoc with the pews and in the gardens.Magnus got himself a house, and a dog, not too far from Angus’ school, which he goes to, now, because the world doesn’t need saving anymore and he can be a normal eleven-year-old. Barry and Lup settled down, too, just a few blocks over, and are disgustingly domestic. Davenport is a mechanic, putting his century of repairing the Starblaster over and over again to good use, and Lucretia—or, dealing with the aftermath: a fic





	it's half a lifetime later, and

There was a screaming match, after everything was finished. Well, to be honest it hadn’t been much of a match — Lucretia had just stood there, silently crying, and that might have set Taako off even more.

They don’t talk anymore.

After everything was said or done (or at least the things that came to mind), everyone settled down in a little village in the countryside outside Neverwinter. Merle got a temple, Magnus got a dog, Davenport got himself a workshop and a mechanic license; Lup got her body back and she and Barry settled down together. Taako got a cottage and doesn’t go outside.

Lucretia took the Starblaster and landed it as far away as possible. It hadn’t been just Taako yelling — well, he did do  _ most _ of the screaming, but everyone had been… And she couldn’t handle it. She shouldn’t be near them anymore, anyway. She doesn’t deserve it.

So she took the Starblaster, and landed it as far away as possible, and that’s where she lives now. In a spaceship, in the middle of nowhere. It’s quiet, it’s peaceful, she can do what she wants, she isn’t the Director anymore and that’s more of a relief that she would’ve thought.

It’s terribly, awfully lonely.

But it’s what she deserves. For all of this, for ruining her friends lives, for almost destroying the world. She doesn’t know how many lives were lost to the Hunger before it was sealed away, but all of them are on her hands. The siege of Neverwinter is on her hands. She deserves this.

In an ironic reverse of the last decade, it’s Barry who finds her. Lucretia is doing the dishes in the small kitchenette — so big and quiet when the twins aren’t there, and Lucretia turns sometimes and expects them to be there ready with a goof and a smirk and it’s just a big huge mess, everything — when she hears a knock on the hull. Her heart seizes in her chest, but she dries off her hands on the towel and makes her way to the entrance. It’s probably just the locals, being curious.

(Nevermind that she’s in the middle of a desert)

Out there on the ramp, in the shimmering heat, stands Barry. He’s got a white piece of cloth tied around his head, but otherwise he’s the same as always — simple shirt, a little chubby, hair greying at the temples, and the titular blue jeans, washed out by now. He’ll need to get new ones soon.

They stand there, and look at each other.

Barry clears his throat and fidgets. “Hi… Lucretia.”

“Hello Barry,” she says, and her voice rasps in her throat. “Why did you come here? How did you find me?”

“You’ll find out, and long story.” Barry gestures. “Can I come in?”

Lucretia makes him some tea, because she doesn’t know what else to do. He sits down at the kitchen counter as she flits around, putting water on boil, trying to find the tea she knows he prefers, just filling time by fiddling with loose parts (she opens the right drawer after seven tries and there they are: Lup’s chai and Barry’s black and Taako’s green, and the coffee blend Davenport and Merle drink).

Barry sits there, in total silence, and Lucretia feels like she’s going out of her mind. She goes over to the coffee machine and starts changing the filters, dusting off the buttons with the side of her finger, anything.

“Did you really have to disappear to the middle of a desert? I thought I was going to die of heatstroke a few times there.”

Lucretia stops and looks down at her hands. “It’s far away and… I didn’t think anyone would come here.”

Barry hums.

Lucretia stands still for a few more moments, but he doesn’t do anything else. She gets a mug from a cabinet, chipped at the rim (she didn’t pack more than a couple, but she remembers they had hundreds, a hundred different novelty mugs of varying size and shape and ridiculousness depending on if it had been Magnus or Lup who had brought them back, because they had to have, had to  _ save _ , something from every place), and pours water that isn’t boiling but is still hot enough to burn when droplets hit her skin. She puts the tea in a strainer and gets a slice of lemon and a splash of milk, just like he likes it, and then she puts it down in front of him and backs away.

Barry takes a sip and tips the mug in her direction in a “cheers!”-motion. “Didn’t think you’d still remember.”

“Why would I forget,” Lucretia says quietly.

“Why indeed.” Barry takes another sip. It’s got to be uncomfortable after walking such a long way through the desert, even though the Starblaster’s AC is blasting at full effect, but Lucretia sees nothing on his face.

Why is he here. What does he want. Why is he here and why is she so happy to see him, she shouldn’t be, she ruined his  _ life _ .

“Why are you here, Barry?” she asks, and sounds so tired.

“Wanted to say hello. Some folks are worried about you, you know.”

“And they sent you as an emissary?” Lucretia turns around and starts cleaning up. She puts the carton of milk back into the fridge

Barry doesn’t say anything in response. Lucretia wraps up the lemon and puts it next to the milk. She’s going to run out of food soon. She thought she’d packed enough for longer, but oh well. Hopefully it isn’t too far to the nearest settlement.

“I’m fine,” she says, and picks up the dish towel to wipe down the counters. “Tell them they shouldn’t worry about me.” They really, really shouldn’t.

Guilt pools in the bottom of her stomach and she stops for a moment, bowing her head, before resuming.

“So  _ that _ ’s why you’re here,” Barry says, as if something entirely new just came to mind.

Lucretia turns around, sharply on one heel. Barry is still just sitting there, looking as calm as ever. A little thoughtful, a little pitying, a little angry. He meets her eyes and shrugs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she says, and it comes out all wrong. “I know what I did, you can’t honestly tell me that I don’t—”

“Deserve this?” Barry raises an eyebrow.

Lucretia blows a breath out of her nose.

“You know what your problem is, Lucretia?” Barry says. “You’re a martyr.”

The only sound is the whine of the AC, and sand rolling over sand with the wind outside.

“You’re a martyr,” Barry says again. “You think you’re so horrible and awful so nothing you ever do will ever change that. You’re punishing yourself because what you did was awful but it was still worth it, right? In the end. You still think it was worth it. You sacrificed yourself for us, and now you’re so horrible you deserve everything terrible happening to you.”

Lucretia stares.

Barry puts down his mug with a decisive click, and, with gentle eyes, says, “Nothing we say gets through to you. You know, you and Taako are never going to get along until you grow a spine.”

“ _ I _ don’t have a spine?!” Lucretia says. “Might I remind you that I went _ ten years _ without anyone to help me? Might I remind you that I ran the Bureau of Balance all alone and did it well? I kept you at bay for a decade!”

Barry laughs, picks up the mug again and takes a sip, and makes a gesture with it. “There we go. Now use  _ that _ to apologise to Taako. To all of us. You never said sorry, did you know that?”

“I don’t think an apology quite covers it, Barry,” Lucretia says sardonically.

“Where did the spine go?”

Lucretia fumes.

“Look, Lucretia,” says Barry and leans forward over the counter, “you obviously still think you did the right thing, even if you feel horribly guilty over it. Taako can tell, he’s not stupid. Anymore.”

There’s a stab at Lucretia’s heart.

“So don’t pretend like you don’t, okay, because it’s making everything worse. For yourself, mostly. I mean, you packed my tea?” Barry shakes his head. “Come on. We want you back.”

“I put a holy symbol in my office to keep you away,” Lucretia blurts out.

“I, uh, I know?”

“You thought I was hunting you down to--  _ kill you _ , for an entire decade.”

“Yup. Sure happened.”

Tears well up in Lucretia’s eyes and her hands clench into fists by her sides. “SO WHY AREN’T YOU ANGRY.”

Barry just looks at her, and she loses it completely. She hides her face in her hands, hunched over, and  _ cries _ .

“I’m a little upset,” Barry says, loudly to be heard over her sobbing. “Of  _ course _ —I’m, I’m not gonna just forget all of that. But I’m not ‘screaming and shouting’-angry. I get why you did it, and, honestly, I didn’t lose all that much because of  _ you _ . Me and Lup mostly fucked things up for ourselves. If I’d just tried  _ talking _ , for example…”

He laughs a little; just a quiver on the exhale, and Lucretia sees through her own tears that his eyes have turned a bit shiny.

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly give you a chance,” she says.

“The holy symbol was—was a little bit unfair. What spell did you even use?”

Lucretia laughs and drags a sleeve over her eyes. “You know, I don’t even remember anymore.”

She sniffles. Somewhere in the ship, a clock chips away at the day, a small  _ tick _ for every second. There are 78 uninterrupted  _ ticks _ where Lucretia just keeps on crying. Neither of them say anything.

“I don’t understand,” Lucretia says finally, almost meek, and dries off her eyes again.

Barry waits. Lucretia looks down at her feet.

“I deserve it,” she says in a low voice, teeth gritted together. “You should yell at me. I deserve it.”

“By the looks of it, you’re beating yourself up enough.” Barry is suddenly serious again. “Being angry solves nothing. I’m not saying that Taako doesn’t have a right to be, but it’s not exactly very productive. If I’d come out here just to yell at you, you wouldn’t have listened to a word I said, would you?”

Lucretia shakes her head and says, quietly, “No.”

“You’ve turned into a martyr, Lucretia,” Barry says, “and, honestly, it’s not a good look on you.”

Lucretia is quiet for a moment. Her tears  _ drip-drop _ down on the floor and she’s not sure of anything anymore. “I just. How do you recover from something like this? How—how do I. How do I apologise in a way that’s  _ enough _ —Barry, I did the worst thing imaginable to my closest friends, Barry, how do you redeem yourself from  _ that _ ?”

“I don’t know, Lucretia,” Barry says, gently. 

Lucretia bites her teeth together and pushes her nails into her palms. She can’t redeem herself from this. She can’t. There is no answer, not even clever Barry is going to find an answer because there isn’t one. She’s done something unforgivable, even if it were for a good cause.

But, maybe. Maybe there is?

She misses them all so terribly.

“But we’re gonna find out,” Barry continues, decisive. “You’re  _ not _ gonna find out if you’re camped out in a desert and don’t even try.”

Lucretia takes a deep breath. She doesn’t look up.

Barry slides out of his seat and stretches out a hand towards her. Lucretia looks at that, and then his shoulder and then his face — she sees tear tracks running down his cheeks, glistening in the light, and his eyes are so gentle and bright. “Come back. Please, we miss you. And don’t let Taako run you over.”

New tears fill her eyes for a moment, splitting the light from the kitchen lamp into a thousand different colours, and she just watches him for a moment, arms wrapped around her own torso. Then she takes it.

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know when something in a story touches something deep inside you and you just project all over everything? @the ipre crew i’m sorry for giving you all of my issues.
> 
> i’m sorry if my beverage headcanons hurt anyone’s feelings, but i am clearly 100% right. next up is lup! also, don’t you dare interpret this as lucretia-negative because i love that girl and my scrawny ass would fight a small army for her, but sweetheart you did some real shady shit. i guess this turned into a little barry-study too, though. just a widdle one.
> 
> also x2! if there is someone from the ipre crew you want to see me write about (this is a series of character studies i’ve come to realise lol so might as well go all out) then please tell me. i can’t guarantee that i can do them, but ideas are always welcome.
> 
> as always, thank you for reading and take care!


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